For no other good reason than to have a blog where I talk about things and enjoy comments on them, I have created another Vox, this one will probably go die or something. I've always wanted to private everything on here and start over with a more public approach, then I decided one day last week that I'm just gonna do it.
http://iambicstrays.vox.com/
If I really feel the need to say something detailed about my personal life, I'll post it here. Basically, I'm in a constant state of happiness, I have few sad feelings now and when I have them, I have release for those feelings outside of blogging, hooray! Instead of coming to Vox only when I'm sad, I want to blog when I have something worth reading.
does anyone remember a movie about a girl who gets wronged by her boyfriend or something like that, ends up murdering him and several other guys to collect their body parts and make 'the perfect boyfriend' out of said parts? I remember the movie clear as day because it was so gory, but the name totally escapes me. From what I remember, it was titled after the name of the main character. She would see a guy and be like "That guy has nice arms, I'm going to add him to my boyfriend," and then she'd murder him. Then she stitched all the perfect parts together and decided that 'he' was missing eyes, so she cut one of hers out in front of a mirror very graphically and put it on her new boyfriend.
Has anyone seen this and can tell me the name? bahahaha
Is it alright if I say that in 15 days, Lyndsey and I will have been together for half a year? Sometimes it feels like it's been a week and sometimes it feels like it's been all of my life. The reason I'm really bringing this up is because I've realized that out of this half a year, only about a week of it wasn't entirely awesome. That's pretty good for a relationship, right? Let alone a long distance one. There's kind of a disappointing predicament that I can't put here but don't mind discussing privately regarding my trip up there and her family's opinion of me, it's been really bothering me and making me feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. They're right, she deserves better than me. I'm glad that something's getting across that this thing is serious, but I'm offended that they're being shocked and judgmental over it.
Also, it's been like two months since a picture of me has ever been taken, and I know you all come here for updates on my beard, so here's a picture I just took, just for you. :)
my perception of time has slowed down. There's a lot of things that happened a year or so ago that feel like happened last month. Things that happened last month, I feel like they happened yesterday. Is this a coping mechanism for getting older? Am I adjusting to having waaay too much on my plate?
Speaking of, I've lost like fifty pounds in the past month and a half, wtf.
I'm going to Canada in five days, SWEET!
Sorry about the lack of updates. I left my last post unresolved and I just want to let you guys know that everything worked out for the better. My relationship with Lyndsey has been totally rekindled and I'm so happy about that. I got my passport yesterday and I'll be visiting her in almost exactly a month.
Here's something weird. In my sculpture class, we're doing reliefs, and we're at the stage that we're propping them up against the wall using stools and looking at them in terms of composition. Well, this girl next to me was being helped by my teacher and the stool slipped out and the board the the relief was on crushed my teacher's hand and broke one of her fingers. She took it very well... she was all "I'm sorry, but I probably should take care of this, is that okay?" like if one of us said no, she wouldn't have gone. It was just... really shocking, haha. She'll be alright though.
I'm seeing Heavy Heavy Low Low, HORSE the Band, So Many Dynamos, and Fastest Kid tonight! Yeah!
Every moment of happiness I have is now met with guilt. My love is only causing her pain now. I'm not losing her, but I can't keep living like this, I can't keep making her live like this. Every night, I feel like I have to count my blessings that we're still together. I truly feel like any moment, it could all be over. But it's not what either of us want. I'm going to see her again next month, but I'll be lucky if this lasts that long without a huge meltdown.
I don't know what to do.
I feel like someone pressed the fast forward button for my life. The past few weeks have been going by ridiculously fast. Let's put this in perspective:
Four weeks ago, I was in Florida, visiting my mom's aunt.
Three weeks ago, I was in Georgia meeting up with Lyndsey.
Two weeks ago, I was in Pennsylvania visiting more family.
Last week, school started.
And this week, Brad will be here until Tuesday (he's been here since Friday).
It's all been such a blur, I haven't had the time to let anything sink in, I feel like I'm forgetting everything that transpired this summer. I know it was so amazing, but I feel like an outsider looking in. I haven't had the time to really appreciate how utterly life-changing this experience has been for me. I'm a much more independent person than I was and I'm working more toward my goal of being prepared to study abroad next year.
As soon as Brad leaves, I'm cutting all my hair off and going on a job hunt.
First day of my sophomore year today, I feel shitty thanks to back problems and waking up super early for what turned out to be no reason, because I got used to one schedule then had to change all my classes last minute. Out of the three I've had today, I like two of them, Renaissance, Baroque, & Rococo Art History and Introduction to Philosophy. The history professor looks like a bald Gandalf and has the exact same voice as the guy who is talking in the beginning of Godspeed You! Black Emperor's "Sleep." He likes to ramble. Philosophy teacher is really cool and I made a friend who is in that class and Physics. Physics looks like it will be a painful experience, but I have to take some sort of science and this is the only one that interests me. The professor is Middle Eastern and English is totally his second, third... tenth language? Point is, he can't speak it well, at all, he mumbles, and likes to abbreviate everything in Greek lettering.
On another note, I like Death Cab for Cutie now. What?!
Thanks for the nice comments, that was the happiest week of my entire life.
I started a Twitter today out of the boredom that ensued from my dad being late returning home from work. Today was OUR day. It was Fill Out Paperwork For My Passport Day (never forget!). He's still not back. I'm still bored. Here's an update. Here's a link to the Twitter thing.
Exactly as I feared would happen, I feel like something's missing now, between Lyndsey and I. I was in Pennsylvania for the weekend, two days after I had to leave her. It made the distance feel... really distant. It's been a week and she tells me she loves me, but I feel like she's falling out of it, and I don't know what to trust. I need to find something really special to hold her over until I can see her again around Christmas. Any ideas, Vox? Distance makes me feel like the shittiest boyfriend ever.
In this past month, I've been on four trips and have only spent maybe seven or eight nights in my own bed. Every morning, it's so difficult to get out of bed, I feel so sore and shitty. I feel lonely. Really lonely. I have something like six days left until college starts and I was hoping that they would be uhhh... quality days! But it doesn't look that way. I have a birthday party on the 24th to look forward to, at least
Right now my goals for this year are as follows:
Now- get passport, get a job, actually apply myself in college and get good marks.
December- Visit Lyndsey in Canada, no matter what.
January- Move out of house and move in somewhere on campus and try the whole 'independent' thing. Apply to schools in Guelph.
Spring Break- Find some way of getting Lyndsey down to NC.
June- Move to Canada.
